Saving Some For Marriage

There’s a lot of talk about saving it for marriage, but it can be confusing to know exactly what “it” is. “It” is kind of like “the pill.” We have thousands of pills that do a lot more important stuff, yet “the pill” refers to birth control. Forgot those new chemotherapy pills that kill cancerous cells, just be glad you didn’t get knocked up by you-know-who. 

Anyway I think “it” depends on each person’s belief system, which is why I’ve decided to save a boob for marriage. That’s right, one boob. There’s a beautiful scene in my head… “Now I will reveal the mysterious marriage boob that’s just like the party boob but you’ve never seen it, so it’s much more exciting.” Plus I’ll be playing the Macarena so I can finally move both hands when I’m supposed to.

And yes, I just said party boob. Because you gotta live for TODAY, you know what I’m sayin’? Because there’s “woo girls” everywhere just waiting to get drunk enough to carry their heels around and show their boobs to random old guys playing pool. I’m merely suggesting you have a little class, and only show one of them.  Your boobs, I mean, not the old guys.

So what else could you save for marriage? Isn’t it obvious? - guns. Not because you will need to shoot your spouse (unless they’re secretly engaged to someone else while you’re with them thank you very much Mr. Argueta) but because much like boobs, they’re important and fun. I have a lovely 7.08 hunting rifle and .22 revolver that could shoot the wings off a fly on a cloudy day.  What tangible things are you saving for marriage? Seriously, I want to know. Just don’t get all deep and make me look like a jerk.

P.S. A special thanks to my friend Jake for the inspiration to write this. And Yin, of course.