Black Santa

Oh hey, and happy holidays to you and yours! I made you this blog. You're welcome.

 
 
      So let me ax you this question - who said Santa was white? I understand that some people may think it's less offensive for an old white dude to sneak into your house in the middle of the night but personally, I think he'd be more fun if he was a little more ethnic. You know, like a black pimp Santa. In fact, I found him. He's shorter than me which is odd, but I'm sure he's still really good at basketball.

Gold gloves - check. Courvoisier - check. Big booty white chick - check.

When I saw him, my mind went on a magical journey of Christmas Eve with black Santa...

     First, I would take him home to my grandparents' house and introduce him as my "new friend Tyrone." My grandmother would be shaken that he's not a white preacher in khakis but my dad would just be relieved that I'm not a lesbian. (27 and unmarried is rare in my family).
      After relentless stares and a good meal consisting of ham, the usual sides, and the fried chicken that Tyrone brought, I would sit on his lap and whisper to him what I want for Christmas. (an escalade, of course.) I would continue to sit on his lap until my great grandmother said something that got her escorted to the guest bedroom "for a rest," then Tyrone and I would sneak out the backdoor to go smoke menthol cigarettes.
     After all, he would have to get on his sleigh in a few minutes and deliver toys all over the world. (Toys made by miniature people who work all year like little... well this is awkward.)

     I imagine that black Santa would give out better toys than white Santa too. Who wants Lincoln Logs when you can have boot-legged DVDs and Mr. Goodbars? But let's remember that the holiday season isn't about what you get, but about what you give, which is why I am leaving out the items below for his overnight journey.

Who wants cookies when you can have this?

After my fantasy of black Santa was over (is it ever really over?) I looked up a few other minority Santas. Sheck 'em out. 

Indian Santa - Free slurpees for everyone!

Drunk Santa - or the regular Santa on December 26th

Didn't see this one coming? Of course you didn't. He's Asian.

Sexy Lady Santa

Nice Mexican Santa

Realistic Mexican Santa (Shout out to Consuela)



Gay Santa "And I want a [ony and some more reeds for this sexy ass saxophone..."

Moral of the story - Hug a tree. It's Christmas.
 

 

Happy Holidays Everybody!